Kamu tahu rasanya ditonjok di ulu hati?
Rasanya aku tahu rasanya.
It was exactly one month ago. Early in the morning, before 7am, I was driving to the office. Usual hour, usual route. But something really unusual happened that morning.
I remember I sent you a message via WA the night before, letting you know that I was home or whatever. Then I sent you couple of another messages in the morning, saying “hi”. I recalled how you used to complain if I didn’t drop any line for you in the morning. You’d get grumpy all day, and it would be hell to try to flip your mood that day.
The strange thing that morning was that my messages since the night before never get through to you. The tick marks on my lines was only single. Then, I tried to call you as I drove. “Nomor yang Anda tuju sedang tidak aktif atau berada di luar jangkauan”, was all I heard.
All of a sudden it hit me. “THAT IS IT!”, I shout to myself inside the car. The day finally came, the day that we have anticipated since our first date. That was the moment I feel a punch right in the middle of my gut. I tried to laugh about it, forced a smile a bit. But still the punch was not something pleasant. Any punch can never be pleasant.
I took myself to the nite before, you called me saying, “Aku tidur duluan ya?”. “Tidur? Jam segini?”. I regret saying something to mock you, I think it was something to do with fag or being one. I should have known better that there was something strange about the call. The noise was just wrong, it was NOT the damn television. It was the noise of airport waiting room. Had I known that, I’d probably rush to the airport to find you.
The lady in recorded voice was right about one thing, that you are now “berada di luar jangkauan”
Kamu nggak lagi di situ pagi itu, tapi aku ditonjok di ulu hati karena itu.